Excerpt from Communication:

“Not like that!”

This response is vague. I know that I’ve done something you don’t like, but I’m not sure what part of what I’ve been doing is the culprit – was it my hands, my lips, did my hair get in the way, did you get scraped by my teeth... what? I’m left confused and possibly frustrated. I did something wrong, and I don’t know how to fix it. Let’s look at a softer approach.

“I like it when you lick the head of my cock instead of biting it, would you do that?”

This approach is kind, gentle, supportive, and clear! I know what I did that you don’t like – biting. Now I can avoid doing that in the future. I also know what you DO like – licking the head of your cock! I can do more of that! You also just praised me for licking you in the past, and I’m left empowered and appreciated. Which response do you think will get you a better blowjob?

(NOTE: If being corrected harshly or forced to fail is a turn-on, the above advice no longer applies!)

Excerpt from Mouth Skills:

Suction – In order to practice suction, we’ll work with your fingers, so choose one to suck on. Put your finger into your mouth and get a good lip seal so that you get nice, tight suction when you suck on it like a straw. You’ll know it’s right because your cheeks will suck in. Next, practice maintaining the feeling of suction as you move the length of your finger in and out of your mouth. Keep that lip seal!

Now see if you can work your tongue against your finger – around the sides and flicking back and forth across the tip – while maintaining suction. Yes, it will be different on a penis – a penis has greater girth (or width). Accordingly, feel free to practice this technique on travel-sized shampoo bottles, or anything with larger width and a fairly smooth texture. (A rough texture or wavy surface could get in the way of your lip lock.) I hope it’s a given that you’ll practice on a dildo. Just wash it first!

Excerpt from Hand Skills:

The Rotating Twist – This is a two handed maneuver that can be executed with full palms or with single fingers and thumbs – adapt your method to the size of your partner. Grasping the shaft of the penis with both hands, wrists aligned, dominant hand on top of the other, rotate your wrists away, in opposite directions, as you slide up the shaft, until your wrists again align on the opposite side of the penis. Reverse direction and slide back down to the base. Repeat while varying speeds and the application of pressure (tight vs. loose).

Excerpt from Balls, Butts, & What’s In Between:

Penetration – When preparing to penetrate the asshole with your fingers, I highly recommend that you wear a latex or nitrile glove or a finger cot (a finger condom), particularly if you use your hands roughly for work or play, or have any tiny cuts or scratches, bite your nails heavily, etc. Any microabrasions on your fingers will provide an opportunity for infection from bacteria or virus in the anus. If you won’t be wearing a glove, please trim your nails close to the quick, being careful not to cut yourself, and file the edge of your nail so that it’s not sharp.

Read my January 8th, 2010 blog post at http://mmakaelnewby.blogspot.com for a description of how to introduce a partner to anal penetration for the first time.

Excerpt from Deep Throat Skills:

The “Yawn” Muscle – Place your hand around your throat with full skin-to-skin contact all the way from your thumb to the tip of your index finger, as if you were going to choke yourself. Now yawn. Feel that?

A yawn is precipitated by contracting the back, or base, of your tongue, pulling it down toward your lower jaw. Put your attention on the back of your tongue and yawn again. If a doctor has ever used a tongue depressor to look at your throat, you may recognize the sensation. Your tongue is one big muscle, and a damn strong one, so contracting it in that way pushes the soft tissues of your throat further open. Can you see how this is useful?

A Word About Pronouns:

In this document, I will refer to the receiver with masculine pronouns like He or Him, and to the giver as She and Her. This is in no way meant to exclude male-bodied givers, or female-bodied persons who identify with masculine gender. The majority of these techniques also apply to the act of blowing strap-on penises, in which case intention is of paramount importance.

Excerpt from Sloppy Blowjobs:

Set the Scene – Not everyone is willing to drool and spit all over the comforter under which they’ll be sleeping in 30 minutes. If you, or your honey, are concerned with hygiene or tidiness, throw a washable blanket or a towel over the bed, sofa, or other intended play space. “Concerned about the bed spread” is not a great mental space for giving awesome head.

Excerpt from Gagging & Choking:

What’s Sexy? – I was once deep throating a fairly large partner, and the longer we went the more my gag reflex kicked up. (This is normal, as mentioned.) At one point, I gagged hard enough to vomit a tiny amount into my mouth. I raced into the bathroom and spit into the sink.

I returned to the bedroom and said, “That is SO not sexy.”

His response? “Well, now we know that YOU don’t think that’s sexy.” Hrm? What?

Your idea of what’s sexy may not be the same as that of your partner, and many receivers find gagging incredibly hot. Nonetheless, it can be a mental and emotional challenge for givers, not to mention the physical discomfort it creates. So here’s a tip for the receivers…

Verbal Reassurance – Tell your partner how turned on it makes you when she chokes on your cock. Don’t just expect her to know, speak it out loud. Particularly when she’s doing something that may be challenging to her self-image, your reassurance that she’s not diminished in your opinion of her is very important.